A professor of mine was fond of saying “You have to see it to hit it.”

What she meant was that in order for me to achieve my goal I had to see myself having already achieved it; I had to have a vision of what I wanted, I had to own it, take responsibility for making it a reality. I had to want it enough to fully commit to doing it, I had to be motivated, the greater

the degree of difficulty, or resistance to change, the more motivated I would need to be. Having a passionate vision of what is possible for us to achieve is important to the quality of our motivation. If we feel confident about our ability to do it, we will be more motivated to make the extra effort, be more patient, be more hopeful, and be more persistent.

In the past, I was not as self-aware as I am now nor was I as self-reflective. So when I applied my professor’s teaching to my becoming a member of 12 Step Recovery Programs, I discovered that I had made an unconscious decision to do whatever I needed to do to achieve recovery. I was motivated to seek recovery because of what I will call MAWOF (my ass was on fire) self-motivation. I had tried many, many times over the years to stop being a slave to my addictions without success. I am sure a lot of the resistance had to do with my being in denial but it is hard to deny the feeling of having one’s butt on fire. It also helped that I had some friends in 12 step groups and on April fools day 1984, a friend dropped by my house and took me to a meeting. I heard and saw people who used to be in the grip of some addiction, one day at a time arresting their addictions. I don’t remember saying to my self “this is what I want or I can see me doing what they are doing,” but on some unconscious level, through osmosis something must have happened. I took most of the suggestions such as going to 30, 60, 90 meetings in 30, 60, 90 days which was very difficult to do for a number of reasons but I did it. In the case of my 12 step recovery, my motivations were more implicit or unconscious than they were explicit or conscious but I was motivated none the less.

Through self-awareness and self-reflection we can discover our own particular ways of motivating ourselves, we can become more aware of our implicit and explicit motives and make sure that they are in alignment with what we desire and our vision of what we think is possible for us.

There is a way of relating to experience that allows our unique individuality to unfold or manifest. By tuning in to our innermost feelings we come to a better understanding of who we are. This may be in the form of a still small voice that can easily be drowned out or ignored or a strong emotion such as excitement, compassion, inspiration or unease. Our ability to be self-aware, especially about how we feel about something can be very helpful. I tend to operate more on a kinesthetic or feelings level so when I am engaged in an activity, I can feel how I am doing in terms of feedback, results, etc, because of how it feels. If it feels right I know I am making progress. When buying a Shirt and Tie combination, the sales person may recommend a tie that doesn’t feel right to me so I opt for another tie that suits me. It could be said that that tie reflects how I want to express myself. The sales person may have the expertise about which Shirts and Ties go together but I need to be true to my feelings as well because they inform me about me. In the end, I am responsible for how I look and feel. Each of us has to find our own way.

When we step outside of ourselves and quietly observe what is happening without trying to change or interfere but to just watch and learn, we learn about our likes and dislikes, we learn about our habits and tendencies. This  kind of effort is needed to enhance and strengthen our ability to be self-aware. There are times when this is inappropriate because to do so would cause harm, like walking across the street and an on coming car is about to run us over. We need to get out of the way, we don’t have time to just watch. We can always reflect on what happened later.

The more we practice Self-awareness and Self-reflection the better we get at being self-aware and self-reflective, the more self-knowledge we have and the more Self-determined we become.

For example, I am driving my car, we have a green light yet the car in front of me doesn’t move, I beep my horn before I see that the car is waiting for a person crossing the street within the cross walk, which is marked by parallel white lines, to cross the street. In this case, there is no space between what happens and my reaction. Using the same scenario I see the person in the cross walk but my hand moves before I can stop it. There is a sliver of space between what happens and my reaction. Finally, I notice the car in front of me has not moved, I look around and see the person in the cross walk and I wait for the car in front of me to move before I proceed. The space between what happens and my response is large enough for me to respond to the situation rather than to react without conscious deliberation.

We have free will some times and not at others yet the possibilities for having more free will are there for us, if we can train ourselves in ways that create more space between what we perceive and what we do about it.
Developing our ability to be self-aware creates more space between any stimulus and our response to it. Self-reflection helps as well because we can learn from the times we don’t seem to have free will and reflect on what happened versus what we want to happen and prepare to do it differently the next time.

We can view Free Will like a muscle in our body, and like any muscle, it gets stronger the more you exercise it. If you don’t exercise free will it loses its strength and becomes weaker. In other words the space in-between gets smaller and smaller until there is no space at all.